How to polish up your writing?如何润色/提高你的作文

How to polish up your writing?如何润色/提高你的作文

Ⅰ: Compare the following writing and give your opinions：Which one do you think attracts the teachers?
我们学校(岳阳县三中)位于新墙，它就像一座花园，满园皆是美丽的花朵，青草绿树，鸟儿吟唱于其间。
1.Our school is Yueyang County No.3 Middle school. It is located at Xinqing. It is really like a garden. There are beautiful flowers, green grass and trees. Birds are singing among them.
2.Our school, Yueyang County No.3 Middle School , is located at Xinqiang. It is really like a garden which is covered with beautiful flowers, green grass and trees with birds singing among them.
高考英语作文第五档(很好)要求21-25分)
1. 完全完成了试题规定的任务。
2. 覆盖所有内容要点。
3. 应用了较多的语法结构和词汇。
4.语法结构或词汇方面有些许错误，但为尽力使用较复杂结构(complex sentence structures)或较高级词汇(advanced vocabulary)所致；具备较强的语言运用能力。
5. 有效地使用了语句间的连接成分(transitional words)，使全文结构紧凑。
6. 完全达到了预期的写作目的。
Ⅱ: What makes a writing attractive？
Strategy 1 Using advanced vocabulary
Strategy 2 Using complex sentence structures
Strategy 3 Using transitional words
Strategy1: Using advanced vocabulary
一) Avoiding repeating
1.My favorite subject is English while my sister’s favorite subject is History.
→ My favorite subject is English while my sister ____ History _____.
2. Zhou Yi learns English well. She learns Maths well, too.
→ Zhou Yi learns English well. She ___ _____ ___ Maths, too.
3. As far as I’m concerned, I think we should do more exercise.
二) Avoiding Chinglish（汉式英语）
1. Good good study, day day up.
2. Because it was raining, so we stayed at home.
3. I’m difficult to answer the question.   
4. He very likes playing basketball.     
5. Please look for the police if you have problems.
Practice
Avoiding Chinglish!(Correct the mistakes in each sentence.)
1) I have a little tired. →
2) I think they should not charge people , because it is a public park. →
3) There are some students don’t have breakfast.→
4) His body is healthy. →
5) If you are convenient, please call me tomorrow. →
三）Using abundant vocabulary （以新替旧）
1. Suddenly, I had a good idea.
Suddenly, a good idea _______ ___ me.
2. Handwriting is very important.
Handwriting is __ ____ ________.
3. Fu Yin went to Changsha in order to study music.
Fu Yin went to Changsha ___ __ ______ __ studying music.               
4. There are fifty-four students in our class.
Our class __ ____ __ __ fifty-four students.
5. Don’t worry. We’ll try our best to help you.
Don’t worry. We’ll __ ___ __ ___ to help you.
四）Using phrases instead of words（以短语替单词）
1. I have ____ __ __ ___ to study English better this term. (同义词decide)
2. I ____ __ ___ how to enlarge my vocabulary. (同don’t know)
3. We’ll ___ the matter ___ __________. (同consider)
4. Hu Qianlong __ ___ __ music so much that he spends much time on it. (同like)
5. I ____ ___ ___ ___ having after-class activities can relax and refresh ourselves.(同think)
Strategy 2: Using complex sentence structures
1. 各种从句2. 非谓语    3. 倒装    4. with复合结构
5. 强调     6. 并列句   7. 虚拟    8. 独立主格结构等
五) To alternate long and short sentences by using various sentence patterns.
Make these sentences short.
1. When he heard the news, he was very happy.(用V-ing形式)
→_______ the news, he was very happy.
2. Because the exam is approaching, the students of Class 6 are busy with their studies. (用with结构)
→ With the exam __________, the students of Class 6 are busy with their studies.
Combine simple sentences to make a long one.
1. I was very angry. I couldn’t say a single word.(用结果状语从句及倒装句)
→ I was ___ angry ____ I couldn’t say a single word.
=___ _____ ___ __ ____ I couldn’t say a single word.
2.The news is not true. We are having a holiday tomorrow. (同位语从句)
→ The news _______________________________ is not true.
六) To use special sentence patterns to make your sentence impressive.
1. Yueyang County No.3 Middle School wasn’t set up until 1957.(强调句)
→It was____ ____ 1957 ____ Yueyang County No.3 Middle School was set up .
2. We can create a harmonious society only in this way.(倒装句)
→ Only in this way ___ ___ create a harmonious society.
3.To his surprise, the little girl knows so many things. （使用名词性从句）
→_____ ________ ___ is that the little girl knows so many things.
4.众所周知，吸烟有害健康。(定语从句)
→ __ __ ____ __ us all, smoking is harmful to our health.
Strategy 3: Using transitional words
并列: and, as well as, also…
递进: what’s more, b_____, in a______, also, what’s worse…
转折: but, while, however, instead, on the contrary…
因果：because, as, for this reason, as a result, so, therefore…
排序: first(ly), second(ly),finally; for one thing, for a_____, last but not ___ ;to begin with.
时间: before; first ; and then ; next ; finally; later ; soon, afterwards, since, from then on ..
目的: so that, in order that, for the purpose of…
举例: for e______/instance, take…for example, as f_______…
总结: in a w____, ____ sum up, on the whole, all ___ all, in short…
Summary
Beautiful writing includes:
Neat handwriting
Abundant vocabulary
Various sentence patterns
Proper transitional words
…
Homework:
据报道，某超市在中秋节后推出月饼盒换鸡蛋的活动。请你就此事写一篇短文，像校英文报的Environment专栏投稿。
内容主要包括：
1.商品包装带来环境问题；2. 此项活动的好处；3. 你对回收利用的看法。
注意： 1. 词数：不少于120个；2. 可以适当增加细节，以使行文连贯；
       3. 开已给出，但不计入总词数。
                                 
                                Writing:
It is reported that a supermarket has offered to exchange one empty moon cake box for three eggs._________________________________________________________________
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